I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
