her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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