She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
