there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
