I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
