I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
