I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
