Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
