He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
