Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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