Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
