i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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