I can tuck mytits in my pants
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
