He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
