I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
