Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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