i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Randomize
