I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
