I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We need a shit load of segways right now
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
