The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
