i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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