Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
