I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
