i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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