i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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