that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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