Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My bed smells like the plague
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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