Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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