I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
