Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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