once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
