she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
