Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
