dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
