Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
