You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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