just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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