i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
