My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
