I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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