piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
