I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
