u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
