apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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