Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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