i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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