I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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