i need an iv and a liver transplant
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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