I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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