Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
